Don't you send me to vm
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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