I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
