sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
