can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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