I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
