Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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