If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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