Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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