just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
