i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
