I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
