I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize