I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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