Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
