Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
