I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
