my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
