I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
