I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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