Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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