I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
