I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
