1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
