I hate your face
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
