Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
