Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
