do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
