My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
