I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
