Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NoShamevember. You game?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
