He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
