I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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