Nicole vs. Life
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
