what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
