The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
