I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
