she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
