You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
