dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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