you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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