So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
