I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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