Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
