Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
