i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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