Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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