Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
