he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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