Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
