If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
