And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
