you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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