Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
