Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
