Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
