then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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