Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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