am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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