Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize