no. you can't hotbox the world.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
