No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
