I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
