I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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