i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
