Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
