Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize