Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
