Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
