He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
