Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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