Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
