and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
