I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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