That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
