What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
