oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
