Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
