remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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